PART 3: WHY I WANT TO GIVE LOVE A SECOND CHANCE

Ara in this concluding part of her
memoir like encounter with asabeafrika gave insight into what caused the
breaking of most marriages in society and equally proffer time tested
strategies that contemporary women can apply in making their relationships
work. In trying to find out what her heart has made concerning marriage and
love for a man, Ara told asabeafrika in a most frank and candid manner that she
is definitely going to give love a second chance no matter the enormity of what
her ex-husband did to dampen her psyche; hear her “I want to love and be loved,
I still believe in love. I Still believe that love would find me and I deeply
believe that there is someone out there for me”. In this concluding part of her
marathon interview with Africa’s number One encounter blog, asabeafrika, Ara
showed the stuff and myth that keeps her as one of world strongest woman. Take
a time and enjoy the final say of the talking drummer.

I STILL
BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE

When we asked if Ara is not paranoid to find herself
under the roof of a man for the umpteenth time with the kind of tribulations
her first marriage gave to her, she didn’t lose thought in finding a good
answer, “No, because I have come to realize too many things about relationship.
Really, why make noise? Is it because I am a celebrity or I am a star? Why make
noise? I know myself; I live a very decent life. I don’t need to shout; I don’t
need the whole world to know. When you see me glowing, you will definitely know
that this woman is being loved. She has a good life, I don’t need to shout it
out, let me keep my baby to myself. That is the way I would do it when next I find
a Mr. Right.  I want to love and be
loved. I still believe in love, I still believe that love would find me and I
deeply believe that there is someone out there for me. And the truth is when
this person comes, trust me; I won’t celebrate it in the papers. Because it is
going to be something I am going to cherish, something that is just going to be
between myself, him and God. I wouldn’t make any noise about it except he feels
otherwise”.

THE CRITERIA
FOR MR. RIGHT & WHAT EX LACKED 
On what she expects from the next man that will be
bold enough to walk her to the aisle, she reeled the qualities out “The first
thing for me is that the man must be spiritually sound. I can not marry
somebody or date somebody who is spiritually low. It is not possible, I need
spiritual intelligence. Secondly, the person must have a good heart; I don’t
like someone who is materialistic because the flesh controls us now, but what
speaks is the soul and that is what will outlive the flesh. And what matters
most to me is what happens after the flesh packs up; and that is my focus. That
is how I see things; I don’t look down on people. I know that we are all here
for an assignment. We are all in transition and we have a case with God. We
have somebody we are going to report to. And I told God, when I do my praise
worship sometimes, I say ‘Father, at the end of it all, one thing that I want;
that I ask Him, I must see you’. I do not want to see You from afar but the way
You are. Because if you think about the way the whole world is running, the way
things are happening, don’t you want to see God? Don’t you want to behold His
Greatness and Majesty and say “Bawo Lolorun yii se rii naa?” (How great is this
God?). I feel like crying now, talking about Him because He touches me and I
ask ‘who is this Man?’ that a whole Janjala
me
would kneel down, would fast and pray and I get answers like that. I
must see Him. So, for me the man must have the knowledge of who God is.

Lastly,
the man must be able to do his part as the man of the house, in terms of taking
care of his woman, taking care of his children. He must be responsible. But
first thing for me is his spiritual mindset because that is what that matters
to me because the Bible says ‘when you have God, you have everything’.
Everything will be added unto you. The heart of everyone is in His hand; who do
you want to go and meet? Where do you want to go? Call God first, He will go
wait for you there; He will go and make the crooked ways smooth. So, for me, it
is all about God”.

WHAT MY
FORMER MARRIAGE STOLE FROM ME
.
On how she was
able to face life after she broke up with her ex, Ara got a sad tale to
tell asabeafrika
“By the time I left my marriage, I didn’t have a dime. I couldn’t even afford
to buy Golden Morn for my son. I couldn’t afford to pay my son’s school fees. I
was down there but I cried unto God. I said “God! I refuse to be conformed to
the stereotyped; I refuse to sell my body for money, I refuse to dance to the
tune of the world. You said I should call on “You” and You will answer me. Did
you not say I should knock, you will open? I quoted His word back to Him
because he told me that none of His words will come back to Him void except it
has accomplished that for which it was said. First of all, He does not lie. I
called His name and I fasted and God manifested Himself mightily in my life.
God is indeed God. One of my last contracts came to me as a surprised package.
After I had fasted and prayed, they called me for an interview and I called one
of my staff; I said “let’s go to the ATM and get some money”. By the time we
were at the ATM, an unknown man came unto me and said “Wind down”. I looked at
the man; I saw that he had a Bible in his hand. His eyes were like that of someone
who has been fasting for like forty one days.  He was dressed in a blue, neat Adire. He
wasn’t a beggar; neither was he a mad man. As I wound the window down, he said “let
us pray”. So, I bowed my head and he said “pray for God’s Success and divine
backing over the new project you are about to embark on”. We prayed and prayed
and he asked me to go and buy anointing oil and also prescribed a Psalm for me
to read. That I should read for twenty one times before I call on God.
Meanwhile I had been told that there was no money for that particular contract,
after we had spent a fortune on research and presentation. So, I was devastated
but I said “God! That is not my news”. By the time, my staff came back to me in
the car, he said “Yeye, ATM o fun wa lowo o” (Madam, ATM didn’t give us money).
And I said to him, ‘don’t worry. The person God wants us to see, I have seen
him. Let’s drive back to the office’. So, I quickly bought the anointing oil
because I was fasting that day, I bought it and prayed with the particular
Psalm for the number of times the unknown man asked me to pray on it. And by
twelve midnight that same day, the spirit of God woke me up and I was given some
Psalms; it was like David wrote those Psalms for me, directly to my issue.
After reading them, I anointed my head to my feet. The following morning,
before 9: AM, the call I got was “Come, your money is paid. Come for your
cheque”. So, nothing moves me except God. So, when somebody tells me, ‘oh,
there is a problem’, I tell the person “Do you know God?” “Have you experienced
God?”

GOD HEALED
MY LEVER ILLNESS

In extolling the virtues of God, Ara told asabeafrika how God healed her of a
liver problem recently, hear the testimony “I was sick recently and I went to
the hospital, they said I have liver problem. I got the result. I called one or
two people, we got to the hospital and I did series of tests. God has shown me
the number of years I would live; I called unto Him, I said ‘Baba, this thing
is not possible now; you have shown me the number of years I would live. You
even added ten years to it recently. I said ‘so, what is this?’ So, the two
radiologists that I met were Christians; one is Deeper Life, the other is
Redeem; they said “Do you know God?” I said “I know God”. They said “Ok, Pray”.
I prayed. I called God. I wept. I talked to Him. I said ‘You did it before; I
know You will do it again. It is not my portion”. So, after that, we went for
the final text and they said ‘they can’t find anything’. Nothing there, I said
‘God! Thank You. You are with me’.


That is why when I see people going through
challenges, trying to use human knowledge or use their body to amass wealth or
they think they are intelligent, I take pity on them. That brain that you even
have in the first place, that is working, if God stops it from working, what
can you do? Someone that can make you to sleep and not wake up, my uncle, my
mother’s immediate younger brother slept and didn’t wake up; I have seen it
happen. So, you sleep and you wake up, you think it is by your power or because
you are beautiful, you are smart, you are sexy. You are a star! You are a
celebrity. Excuse me! If they put everybody on TV today, everybody will be
famous, because you are on TV and they show your face everyday does not make
you anything special. It is that talent and for the fact that you are being
advertised as a product that doesn’t mean that you should useless yourself and
your God given talent. God gives talent because He says ‘a man’s talent will
make a way for him’. But talent is being abused in this country today, and they
group all of us together and it is so painful because there are places that you
want to go and you really mean to say certain things but they look down on you
and they will say “Ah, awon Omo actress yen ni (This useless actresses are
here); we can not practice foreign culture here; so, my man must be full of wisdom
and of course, he has to be good looking because I am a good looking woman (laughter)

I AM SINGLE
& SEARCHING FOR TRUE LOVE

 Ara reinstated her faith that the right
man will come her way soon but by God’s grace, hear her “I am certain that I
will find love. I am a beautiful woman; I have a good heart. Above all, I have
God. It is not about being beautiful, it is not about being wealthy or rich. It
is God that can choose; beauty alone can not do it. In fact I have told God
that I would not be swept over by any carnal advances, I have a long list of
admirers.  But I am not interested in any
one of them I want God to choose for me. So, I know that at God’s appointed
time, the right person would come. But for now, I am not dating anybody”.

ARA
ACCORDING TO ARA
Asabeafrika asked the Ondo state born
artiste to describe herself away from the general perception of fans and foes
and she went thus; “Ara is the first female talking drummer in the history of the
Yoruba race. Ara is fierce and fearless. She is beautiful. Very creative and
talented; she is a no nonsense person. Ara possesses some powers that help
her move from one stage to the other. Ara is not an ordinary human being.
No, Ara
is not. I dare to say that. She is not”.
WHAT YOU
MUST KNOW ABOUT MEN

To end the
encounter, we asked Ara to tell us what she would tell a thousand and one spinsters
in a ball room if she finds herself in a Marriage seminar and she is the guest
lecturer “My chief message to them is first, if you want to get married, be
yourself.  Know God. Be the virtuous woman
the Bible talks about. And make up your mind; do not expect a bird of roses.
Make up your mind that no matter what happens; so long that it does not cost
your life or it is not violent related, you must keep that marriage. Truth is
that men love their wives; there is no dispute about this.


There are so many
things that women would not understand about a man’s world and we just have to
stop trying to understand it. Accept the lie he tells you to be the truth and
love him more. A man loves to be a king in his home, make him feel like a king
in his home. Make his home like paradise; whatever that he needs out there, he
can find it at home. Believe me, he chooses you above all, to share his life
with. That is a big debt. It is not an easy step to take. So, you have to take
all these into consideration. I have a five years old son now, and I can relate
certain things with him. I look at him, I am teaching him how to behave; the
other day, he hits his nanny, I spanked him, I said you don’t raise your hand
against a woman. If you are angry, you speak out and he does not know how to
lie to me. I will say ‘I am not beating you because you just told me the truth,
but when I know that he has slipped a bit, I spank him and he cries and say ‘I am
sorry. It is not easy but that is how to go about it. Every woman should know
that a man is a baby; they are our babies, we must nurture them, pamper them.
We are their backbones; behind every successful man is a woman who prays and
fast for him and covers him. You are his mother, you are his friend, you are
his confidant, you are his partner in crime, in love, in everything, do not
listen to hearsay; ‘oh, they find him with this, they find him with that, no.


But most importantly, make sure there is love. Do not blind your eyes to the
facts during courtship and expect him to change after marriage. It would not
work that way, don’t deceive yourself, don’t marry for money, don’t marry for
fame. A lot of marriages crash today because of material things; you want to
marry into a popular family. You want to marry because the guy has money or the
guy has a good job. You are not marrying the man; they don’t even know the man
they are marrying. They will now get into the marriage after they have gotten
the wedding vow, you will see married women, you will see a married woman,
having extra-marital affairs.  See, if a
man does, it is like a norm. Men are naturally known for such, the society does
not frown at it. But as a woman, you are in your husband’s house and you are
sleeping around, you are cursing the destiny of your children. Women are
powerful but they don’t know the power they have.


When God created Adam, He
took him from the ground. When God created Eve, He took a bone from Him (Adam)
but other ingredient that made up a woman, God did not reveal it. You are a
powerful instrument but you don’t know it. So, as a woman, you carry destinies
in your stomach and whatever you do would affect the lives of the destinies you
have carried and the generation of those destinies would come to an end. So,
think right, if you are under a man’s roof and you are committing adultery, you
are cursing yourself and you are cursing the children of your womb and in
future, they will know and they will curse you. It is important a woman knows
all these before she gets married”.

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