 |
| The Iyalode Adunni Bankole looking radiant in her life time |
Asabeafrika began the
part 2 of Iyalode Adunni Bankole’s memoir with reasons why she couldn’t find
faults in any of her rivals but rather pushed the blame to the man who joined
them in matrimony; her response came on the heel of what she perceived as the
evil of polygamy
Polygamy, an evil trade…
“It is
simply because in any case polygamy is not easy. It is the man that enjoys all
the four women; he enjoys all the women with an uncommon sense of
ungratefulness. So, he has to pay. Plus or minus, he just has to pay. And in
our own case, there were just four of us that know each other but before me,
three of us had gone. So, if you say wives in the traditional way of marrying a
wife, the man (Alani Bankole) had about six wives. Now, he has about ten. So,
he can not enjoy ten women and then be having it free and everybody is
suffering heart ache and he will be the one to be enjoying. No, no, no, he should
equally have some a tip of the sleepless nights. So, that has been my
idea. It all goes back to your question
that one should feel high and ignore seniority since everybody is equal in the
marriage, but that is not it. You are all in the same boat. You know polygamy
is all about acting”
simply because in any case polygamy is not easy. It is the man that enjoys all
the four women; he enjoys all the women with an uncommon sense of
ungratefulness. So, he has to pay. Plus or minus, he just has to pay. And in
our own case, there were just four of us that know each other but before me,
three of us had gone. So, if you say wives in the traditional way of marrying a
wife, the man (Alani Bankole) had about six wives. Now, he has about ten. So,
he can not enjoy ten women and then be having it free and everybody is
suffering heart ache and he will be the one to be enjoying. No, no, no, he should
equally have some a tip of the sleepless nights. So, that has been my
idea. It all goes back to your question
that one should feel high and ignore seniority since everybody is equal in the
marriage, but that is not it. You are all in the same boat. You know polygamy
is all about acting”
“When you don’t feel like smiling, you have to smile because it is not in the rule for you to be annoyed and you can’t even express your feelings even when you are deeply hot, you have to act along as if it is well… the woman act and act and act until she forgets who she truly is. You act with the husband, you act with the step-children, you act with the in-laws, and you are trying to just be good to anyone and everyone. Honestly, polygamy should be eradicated”
 |
| The late Chief (Mrs.) Adunni Bankole during her last birthday celebration on earth on Saturady March 29th 2014 inside her Jajo Estate, Ikorodu home |
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| The late Chief (Mrs.) Adunni Bankole with Onitori of Itori land, Oba Abdul Fatai Akamo |
Polygamy as defined by Adunni Bankole…
Speaking
further, Adunni Bankole lectured on
polygamy “Polygamy is all about a lot of things that are not nice. Polygamy is
an institution where you can not ever really be yourself; except for a mad
woman like me who chooses to be herself. Polygamy is all about acting,
everybody is on stage; one trying to outdo the other to get the favor of the
culprit who is the man. You understand? And for a while I tried to manage it
but at a time I said ‘no, this is not my show’. That means I still have to
remain who I am, to be myself and say the truth the way it is. And let me tell
you this; you can not survive in polygamy if you are who you are. You have to
pretend a lot. When you don’t feel like smiling, you have to smile because it
is not in the rule for you to be annoyed and you can’t even express your
feelings even when you are deeply hot, you have to act along as if it is well.
N-o-o-o-o. In a nutshell, polygamy erodes a lot of self confidence from the
woman. Then, the woman act and act and act until she forgets who she truly is.
You act with the husband, you act with the step-children, you act with the
in-laws, and you are trying to just be good to anyone and everyone. Honestly,
polygamy should be eradicated”
further, Adunni Bankole lectured on
polygamy “Polygamy is all about a lot of things that are not nice. Polygamy is
an institution where you can not ever really be yourself; except for a mad
woman like me who chooses to be herself. Polygamy is all about acting,
everybody is on stage; one trying to outdo the other to get the favor of the
culprit who is the man. You understand? And for a while I tried to manage it
but at a time I said ‘no, this is not my show’. That means I still have to
remain who I am, to be myself and say the truth the way it is. And let me tell
you this; you can not survive in polygamy if you are who you are. You have to
pretend a lot. When you don’t feel like smiling, you have to smile because it
is not in the rule for you to be annoyed and you can’t even express your
feelings even when you are deeply hot, you have to act along as if it is well.
N-o-o-o-o. In a nutshell, polygamy erodes a lot of self confidence from the
woman. Then, the woman act and act and act until she forgets who she truly is.
You act with the husband, you act with the step-children, you act with the
in-laws, and you are trying to just be good to anyone and everyone. Honestly,
polygamy should be eradicated”
 |
| The late Chief (Mrs.) Adunni Bankole with veteran journalist, Femi Davies during her 53rd birthday breakfast at Protea Hotel, Lagos |
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| The late Chief (Mrs.) Adunni Bankole with her mother Princess Adesida during her 53rd birthday dinner at Protea Hotel, Lagos. |
Polygamy is criminal….
Adunni Bankole prescribed what she thinks should be
done to the Polygamy institution “Polygamy should be eradicated. It should be
passed into law that whoever practices this polygamy thing is a criminal
because it gives way to too many things that are not good. You act, act, act,
act, act. You put on behaviors that are not yours. So, people act till they can
kill because that woman who is in polygamy is as human as that woman who has
her husband to only herself”, “Yes, agreed, It is African tradition. It is
Yoruba culture but I am telling you it doesn’t breathe well” We reminded the late Iyalode about the fact
that Islam as a religion practiced by her husband permits the marrying of at
least four wives but Adunni believes “The Islamic
religion was abused. That injunction was abused. The Islamic religion allows
for a man to take one wife”
done to the Polygamy institution “Polygamy should be eradicated. It should be
passed into law that whoever practices this polygamy thing is a criminal
because it gives way to too many things that are not good. You act, act, act,
act, act. You put on behaviors that are not yours. So, people act till they can
kill because that woman who is in polygamy is as human as that woman who has
her husband to only herself”, “Yes, agreed, It is African tradition. It is
Yoruba culture but I am telling you it doesn’t breathe well” We reminded the late Iyalode about the fact
that Islam as a religion practiced by her husband permits the marrying of at
least four wives but Adunni believes “The Islamic
religion was abused. That injunction was abused. The Islamic religion allows
for a man to take one wife”
“Historically, if you trace the history of the Arabs where we inherited this culture, they practice it well, they look after each of the women well, and they make each woman feel like a human being. It is not even about comfort alone, it is about you making her feel ‘oh, you are a human being not a slave’. But in the Nigerian culture, the polygamist man, if he has eight, nine, ten wives, each wife is one tenth of a woman”
 |
| Chief (Mrs.) Adunni Bankole doing whst she knows how to do best her last appearance @ City People Awards for Excellence |
Islam did not support 4 wives….
The late Iyolde
of Gbagura land stressed further on what she meant by going against the
general view that Islam as a religion permits a man to marry four wives. She
gave her own understanding of what the injunction portends “Ok, when you take
one wife and the wife is ill or she is sick so much that she can not perform
her duty as a wife or you discover that you mistakenly marry into a family that
is not socially fitting. Because there is a family you can marry into according
to Islamic laws; you marry and then you discover ‘oh, this girl comes from a
family I shouldn’t have married into’, ‘oh, she is ill and she can not perform
her duty as a wife, especially for a man to take to bed, then you are allowed
to marry a second wife. If on marrying a second wife you still discover ‘oh,
this my wife is sick again, ah, eh, eh’ or ‘oh she can not do this, so she has
this problem?’. Again, you are allowed to marry a third one. But the Islamic
religion stipulates that if after you have married up to four for all this
reasons, and you are still unlucky, finish. That is your own luck. But our
people abuse it because they just take any flimsy reason and they start packing
wives like sardine. And they tell lies against the Islamic religion. It is even
okay for a man who is a Muslim, what do we say of these our Christian men now?
It is not anywhere in the Bible. You know that, in polygamy, the harm that is
done to the women is much; which shouldn’t be. Historically, if you trace the
history of the Arabs where we inherited this culture, they practice it well,
they look after each of the women well, and they make each woman feel like a
human being. It is not even about comfort alone, it is about you making her
feel ‘oh, you are a human being not a slave’. But in the Nigerian culture, the
polygamist man, if he has eight, nine, ten wives, each wife is one tenth of a
woman”
of Gbagura land stressed further on what she meant by going against the
general view that Islam as a religion permits a man to marry four wives. She
gave her own understanding of what the injunction portends “Ok, when you take
one wife and the wife is ill or she is sick so much that she can not perform
her duty as a wife or you discover that you mistakenly marry into a family that
is not socially fitting. Because there is a family you can marry into according
to Islamic laws; you marry and then you discover ‘oh, this girl comes from a
family I shouldn’t have married into’, ‘oh, she is ill and she can not perform
her duty as a wife, especially for a man to take to bed, then you are allowed
to marry a second wife. If on marrying a second wife you still discover ‘oh,
this my wife is sick again, ah, eh, eh’ or ‘oh she can not do this, so she has
this problem?’. Again, you are allowed to marry a third one. But the Islamic
religion stipulates that if after you have married up to four for all this
reasons, and you are still unlucky, finish. That is your own luck. But our
people abuse it because they just take any flimsy reason and they start packing
wives like sardine. And they tell lies against the Islamic religion. It is even
okay for a man who is a Muslim, what do we say of these our Christian men now?
It is not anywhere in the Bible. You know that, in polygamy, the harm that is
done to the women is much; which shouldn’t be. Historically, if you trace the
history of the Arabs where we inherited this culture, they practice it well,
they look after each of the women well, and they make each woman feel like a
human being. It is not even about comfort alone, it is about you making her
feel ‘oh, you are a human being not a slave’. But in the Nigerian culture, the
polygamist man, if he has eight, nine, ten wives, each wife is one tenth of a
woman”
“He should look after his wives very well. It is not easy to be in a polygamous home and keep it like that. That family being what it is and staying together is a lot of hard work from these women, a lot of fortitude, a lot of do-without, a lot of sacrifice. We went without a lot of things and we were smiling along as if all is well; I am pained”.
 |
| Late Chief (Mrs.) Adunni Bankole with Former Chairman, Ojokoro LCDA, (R), First Royal Oil boss, Roseline Osipitan (L) during Chief (Mrs.) Ojugbele’s (M) birthday |
How African men break their women’s
ego
Speaking
further on what she meant by a man making a woman one tenth of his womanhood,
she said “Let me put it this way, the man let you feel a quarter of yourself because
they will rather use what they ought to use to treat one woman to treat the
entire conglomerate of women. So, the woman doesn’t have a say. The woman is
abused. The woman’s ego is deflated, the woman has no say and then, they make
these women live in fear of them. And we women are so stupid, we will still
live in fear of this man; although he has accepted us for who we are and then
we would still be fearing the man, hoping that ‘oh, maybe if I fear him, he
will look my way. But they don’t look anybody’s way o. once they are gone, they
are gone”
further on what she meant by a man making a woman one tenth of his womanhood,
she said “Let me put it this way, the man let you feel a quarter of yourself because
they will rather use what they ought to use to treat one woman to treat the
entire conglomerate of women. So, the woman doesn’t have a say. The woman is
abused. The woman’s ego is deflated, the woman has no say and then, they make
these women live in fear of them. And we women are so stupid, we will still
live in fear of this man; although he has accepted us for who we are and then
we would still be fearing the man, hoping that ‘oh, maybe if I fear him, he
will look my way. But they don’t look anybody’s way o. once they are gone, they
are gone”
 |
| The late Chief (Mrs.) Adunni Bankole (Yeye Mokun of Owu Kingdom) with her mum, Chief (Mrs.) Adesida (Iyalode of Owu Kingdom) |
Why did Alani marry another woman
over Adunni?
On the issue
of Polygamy & four wives, Asabeafrika
asked why her 72 years old husband,
Chief Alani Bankole married two
younger wives on her, one of them, a 26 years old lady initially had a baby for
him while the second, one, Biola Ewebiyi
he wedded on March 9th. This blog made it known to Adunni that her silence on the matter
was questionable not just because she is one the Egba high chief’s prominent
wives but because she is equally a respected figure in the society but Adunni initially felt uncomfortable
talking about the matter and this was how she put it “I feel constrained to
talk about our family matters, I think it is a matter for the family and I want
us to treat it as such”.
of Polygamy & four wives, Asabeafrika
asked why her 72 years old husband,
Chief Alani Bankole married two
younger wives on her, one of them, a 26 years old lady initially had a baby for
him while the second, one, Biola Ewebiyi
he wedded on March 9th. This blog made it known to Adunni that her silence on the matter
was questionable not just because she is one the Egba high chief’s prominent
wives but because she is equally a respected figure in the society but Adunni initially felt uncomfortable
talking about the matter and this was how she put it “I feel constrained to
talk about our family matters, I think it is a matter for the family and I want
us to treat it as such”.
 |
| The late Chief (Mrs.) Adunni Bankole with friends mill around the Onitori of Itori land in Ogun state, Oba Fatai Akamo |
The cloud gathering….
But the
matter is already in the public domain and the kind of comments it is
generating for the family and the entire dynasty is not too pleasant, we told Adunni and she reacted “You people just
want to force me to talk on an issue that is totally not my business. I thought
you said you came here for a birthday interview?” “The man took a wife or two,
is there anything wrong in that? Is he not an adult? Is he a small child?” she
asked rhetorically when pressed hard. So, what did she feel about age barrier
and the need for her man to take new women when she is still relatively young?
“It is him you should ask o, go and ask
the man himself, he will probably tell you”. And that busted the deluge of
revelations on Adunni Bankole’s 30 years endurance in a marriage that neither
bore comfort or a sense of belonging “It is okay by me for as long as he
is happy. The man has done what makes him happy. If he is happy taking a
younger wife, why not?” Adunni enthused
matter is already in the public domain and the kind of comments it is
generating for the family and the entire dynasty is not too pleasant, we told Adunni and she reacted “You people just
want to force me to talk on an issue that is totally not my business. I thought
you said you came here for a birthday interview?” “The man took a wife or two,
is there anything wrong in that? Is he not an adult? Is he a small child?” she
asked rhetorically when pressed hard. So, what did she feel about age barrier
and the need for her man to take new women when she is still relatively young?
“It is him you should ask o, go and ask
the man himself, he will probably tell you”. And that busted the deluge of
revelations on Adunni Bankole’s 30 years endurance in a marriage that neither
bore comfort or a sense of belonging “It is okay by me for as long as he
is happy. The man has done what makes him happy. If he is happy taking a
younger wife, why not?” Adunni enthused
 |
| The late Iyalode Adunni Bankole with City People Publisher, Dr. Seye Kehinde during her 53rd Birthday Breakfast @ Protea Hotel, Lagos |
So, how does it affect Adunni
psychologically?
“It does not
affect me in anyway; psychologically. I am happy with it. I am happy about it,
I wish him luck.”
affect me in anyway; psychologically. I am happy with it. I am happy about it,
I wish him luck.”
Was she at her husband wedding
ceremony to the 26 years old?
ceremony to the 26 years old?
“How could I
be at such a wedding? Am I helping the man? Would I love a man and still go and
see him marry twenty six years old? Would I help a man to destroy himself? He
didn’t even invite me, he can not invite me. So, I wasn’t there. But even if he
invited me, I wouldn’t have attended”.
be at such a wedding? Am I helping the man? Would I love a man and still go and
see him marry twenty six years old? Would I help a man to destroy himself? He
didn’t even invite me, he can not invite me. So, I wasn’t there. But even if he
invited me, I wouldn’t have attended”.
But you just said you are okay by his
action to marry two young wives?
action to marry two young wives?
“Yes, the reason is that I am a very humane person. If he
likes to marry another woman and it gives him some measure of joy, why should
he not?” (Kept quite for a while)
likes to marry another woman and it gives him some measure of joy, why should
he not?” (Kept quite for a while)
 |
| The late Iyalode Adunni Bankole sharing moments with Encomium Magazine Publisher, Mr. Kunle Bakare at her 53rd birthday breakfast dinner |
Leaving my hubby’s home to my private
residence was a great decisionsss….
There is
also the perception that you had tactically divorced him when you moved out of
the family’s Ikeja home into your own new home in Ikorodu area of Lagos. How
true is this perception? “Even if I divorce him, I will still announce to the
world. People will ask me and I will tell them. So, let people mind their
business. I had to leave the (Ikeja) house when I left, and I took the decision
and I am not regretting it at all”.
also the perception that you had tactically divorced him when you moved out of
the family’s Ikeja home into your own new home in Ikorodu area of Lagos. How
true is this perception? “Even if I divorce him, I will still announce to the
world. People will ask me and I will tell them. So, let people mind their
business. I had to leave the (Ikeja) house when I left, and I took the decision
and I am not regretting it at all”.
 |
| The Late Iyalode Adunni Bankole hosting top Nigerians to an early morning Dinner during her 53rd birthday at Protea Hotel, Lagos |
WHY I MOVED OUT OF MY HUSBAND’S
HOUSE.
Prodding Adunni
to speak further on the drama of her sudden exit from hubby’s home, the
late society woman finally bulged and spoke almost unrestrained “The man has
been busy for five years; he hasn’t had time for any of his older wives for
five years. He has been into politics; supporting politics, enjoying self and
making new exploits. So, for all his older wives, for five years, he feels that
they don’t need attention. That is just the matter at hand”
to speak further on the drama of her sudden exit from hubby’s home, the
late society woman finally bulged and spoke almost unrestrained “The man has
been busy for five years; he hasn’t had time for any of his older wives for
five years. He has been into politics; supporting politics, enjoying self and
making new exploits. So, for all his older wives, for five years, he feels that
they don’t need attention. That is just the matter at hand”
 |
| The late Iyalode Adunni Bankole with Mum, Mrs. Adesida, friend, Chief (Mrs.) Ojugbele leads in Honorable Idowu Obasa into her 53rd birthday party @ Protea Hotel, Lagos. |
We built Bankole dynasty….
This blog
equally suspect that the older wives are silently protesting especially with
the way and manner they graced Adunni Bankole’s birthday
celebration. Is there any course for alarm among the Bankole wives? We asked
Adunni and she responded thus “I don’t know o. me, I don’t know o. But
wouldn’t it be good if that is the case, if we all come together as like minds
and of like background? You know we built that home. I call it The
Bankole dynasty; these women built it and made it what it is today. So,
we deserve our respect. So, I don’t know. I don’t know what anybody feels, I
don’t want to put anybody in trouble o. Coming to celebrate with me wasn’t as a
result of aluta reaction. But like I said earlier, it is simply as a
result of my respect for my seniors”
equally suspect that the older wives are silently protesting especially with
the way and manner they graced Adunni Bankole’s birthday
celebration. Is there any course for alarm among the Bankole wives? We asked
Adunni and she responded thus “I don’t know o. me, I don’t know o. But
wouldn’t it be good if that is the case, if we all come together as like minds
and of like background? You know we built that home. I call it The
Bankole dynasty; these women built it and made it what it is today. So,
we deserve our respect. So, I don’t know. I don’t know what anybody feels, I
don’t want to put anybody in trouble o. Coming to celebrate with me wasn’t as a
result of aluta reaction. But like I said earlier, it is simply as a
result of my respect for my seniors”
 |
| The Late Iyalode Adunni Bankole handing an award plaque to Nigeria’s Best Pilot, Captain Chris Najomo during her last appearance at City People Awards for Excellence |
So, what is Adunni’s relationship
with the newly wedded 26 six years old lady, Bola?
I don’t know
her.
her.
What about the new babies?
“I don’t
know the babies” But as a mother and top member of the Bankole dynasty, Adunni might be in good position to
mentor the new girls? We asked and that brought out a more daring reaction “Which
dynasty? (Angry, laughs wryly) “E ma kowo
Bomilenu eyin Omo buruku yi (Don’t
provoke me, you this troublesome press boys)
know the babies” But as a mother and top member of the Bankole dynasty, Adunni might be in good position to
mentor the new girls? We asked and that brought out a more daring reaction “Which
dynasty? (Angry, laughs wryly) “E ma kowo
Bomilenu eyin Omo buruku yi (Don’t
provoke me, you this troublesome press boys)
 |
| The late Chief (Mrs.) Adunni Bankole with Chief (Mrs.) Adebisi Adegbesan, RMD’s in-law at a social event |
My advice for my husband….
On what Adunni
feels like telling her husband on his new decision to marry younger
wives, she took a deep breath before responding back “I will advise him to go
jeje o, to take things easy as he advances in age and he should try and think
more of his children, I mean the old children because when children grow old,
they becomes their parent’s associates. He should try and mind the relationship
and he should look after the older wives. He should look after his wives very
well. It is not easy to be in a polygamous home and keep it like that. That
family being what it is and staying together is a lot of hard work from these
women, a lot of fortitude, a lot of do-without, a lot of sacrifice. We went
without a lot of things and we were smiling along as if all is well; I am pained.
Deeply pained by the things I read in the paper especially on the internet. I
want to use this medium to plead with the internet journalists to kindly leave
my husband alone. I mean the social media; I am using this opportunity to
appeal to them. Some of the comments there are horrible. They are alarming and
it draws tears from me, you know it takes somebody who has a lot of guts to do
something and he has the gut and he has done it. Let them leave him alone”
feels like telling her husband on his new decision to marry younger
wives, she took a deep breath before responding back “I will advise him to go
jeje o, to take things easy as he advances in age and he should try and think
more of his children, I mean the old children because when children grow old,
they becomes their parent’s associates. He should try and mind the relationship
and he should look after the older wives. He should look after his wives very
well. It is not easy to be in a polygamous home and keep it like that. That
family being what it is and staying together is a lot of hard work from these
women, a lot of fortitude, a lot of do-without, a lot of sacrifice. We went
without a lot of things and we were smiling along as if all is well; I am pained.
Deeply pained by the things I read in the paper especially on the internet. I
want to use this medium to plead with the internet journalists to kindly leave
my husband alone. I mean the social media; I am using this opportunity to
appeal to them. Some of the comments there are horrible. They are alarming and
it draws tears from me, you know it takes somebody who has a lot of guts to do
something and he has the gut and he has done it. Let them leave him alone”
 |
| The Late Iyalode of Gbagura land, Adunni Bankole with Celebrity Journalist Kunle Rasheed during her 53rd Birthday Breakfast @ Protea Hotel, Lagos |
Does Adunni still really love her
husband?
“I married
him at age 24; it is not in me to hate anybody. Even when I am in the greatest,
most excruciating pain, which I have experienced a lot in the past; I just
manage to go over the pains and still be myself to whoever I relate with. I
don’t know if that answers your question but he should look after the women of
the house who worked so hard to build the dynasty and he should stop being so
hard”
him at age 24; it is not in me to hate anybody. Even when I am in the greatest,
most excruciating pain, which I have experienced a lot in the past; I just
manage to go over the pains and still be myself to whoever I relate with. I
don’t know if that answers your question but he should look after the women of
the house who worked so hard to build the dynasty and he should stop being so
hard”
(Watch out
for Part 3 of Late Adunni Bankole’s last memoir titled “The story of my miserable 30 years
romance with Alani Bankole” out on this blog tomorrow, don’t miss it)
for Part 3 of Late Adunni Bankole’s last memoir titled “The story of my miserable 30 years
romance with Alani Bankole” out on this blog tomorrow, don’t miss it)
 |
| The Late Chief (Mrs.) Adunni Bankole with one of her best friends, Chief (Mrs.) Basirat Olayinka Ojugbele during Mrs. Ojugbele’s birthday |
 |
| The late Chief (Mrs.) Adunni Bankole with friends in her lifetime |
