The age of AK47 Pastor By Louis Odion, FNGE

Governor Ayodele Fayose….Defender of AK-47 Pastors in West Africa

Like the proverbial stubborn grass
that defies the gardener’s sickle – quick to sprout after every cut, the
lexicon of public conversation has undoubtedly grown with a raft of terms and
phrases since the last compilation on the page. Consistent with our tradition,
we shall be undertaking an update – an induction, if you like – of the new
entrants today, the first in the New Year.
“To be forewarned is to be
At normal times, the spectacle of a
cleric bearing arms would appear abominable, even theatrical. Lesser mortals
could be forgiven if they lacked faith and surrendered to fear. Certainly not a
Pastor or Reverend Father.

For the clergy to bear a rifle
would, therefore, likely be interpreted as doubting God’s sovereign words to
guard and protect His children, always. If the shepherd would succumb to fear,
what becomes of the flock?

Author, Louis Odion….New Lexicon for the discerning Literati

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

But these are surely abnormal times.
Nothing tells the story of an emerging ecclesiastical oxymoron today perhaps
better than the image of a Reverend Father with a loaded rifle, much more
ruthless AK47, slung on his shoulder
ostensibly while conducting a church service (pictured here), flanked by a
company of soldiers in battle fatigue.

‘Man shall not live by only the word of God but by the bullets coming out from an AK-47’

The powerful picture has been
circulating in the social media in the past few weeks.
With digital clarity, it surely
speaks to the palpable tension in parts of the north where Christian
worshippers are increasingly coming under relentless attacks by those
identified as Fulani herders but strongly
suspected of harboring darker sectarian agenda. Maybe, a counterpoise to Boko Haram’s sepulchral imagery of
deranged Shekau with AK47 against the
grotesque backdrop of a black flag.
While responding to the recent
killing of Christian worshippers in Southern
Kaduna, the Archbishop of the Abuja
Diocese, Cardinal John Onaiyekan, in what ominously signaled the
hardening of position, stated that it was no longer conceivable to expect
faithful not to defend themselves henceforth.
Since the picture came un-captioned,
it is difficult to tell where this happened. Regardless, its message is
unmistakable: a steely determination to continue preaching the gospel in the
face of mortal danger, exhorting people never to doubt God’s omni-potence in
the hour of peril, never mind if the preacher’s other finger is firmly on the AK47’s trigger.
It obviously mirrors the season of

Apostle (Dr.) Joshua Suleiman….’Creator, OMEGA FIRE!

…Omega Fire!: Chants of “Holy Ghost fire!” are common refrain
when Christians are gathered in supplication to God Almighty in Nigeria. It is
a powerful invocation of celestial forces against perceived enemies.
surreptitiously joined the diary
two days ago following the reported attempted arrest of the General Overseer of
the Omega Fire Ministry Worldwide by
DSS operatives in Ado-Ekiti. His sin?
Commanding his faithful to kill any of the murderous herdsmen that dares come
close to him or the church.
Apparently, like many Christian
leaders unhappy at perceived official indifference to the continued mass
killings of Christians across the country, balding Apostle Johnson Suleiman
had reached his own tether’s end. No longer prepared to turn the biblical other
cheek, the Auchi-based cleric is now
ready for “action” or “Omega
According to media reports, but for
the agility of the Ekiti Governor

Governor Ayodele Fayose ‘Curtailed Omega Fire’

Ayo Fayose who had graciously
extended his now celebrated executive vigilante services to Pastor Suleiman following a mere
distress call to him in the small hours of Wednesday, the man of God
would have been herded to DSS
detention camp. (The cleric was in town on a two-day crusade.)

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Like Rambo, Fayose, who once
rescued the wife of a PDP chieftain in similar circumstance, stormed the hotel
and personally led the Omega Fire
Pastor to the safety of the Government House.
Coincidentally, in Ekiti, a stern law was already in place
seeking to regulate herders’ conduct. Just as there remains a standing rule
from Fayose himself expressly
empowering Ekiti hunters to “kill
any armed herdsmen before they kill
or rape your wives.”
To an extent, Suleiman’s threat,
even if restated in Ekiti, could,
therefore, be situated in the context of an exercise in self-defense against
possible physical attack by the murder gang masquerading as herders. In the
circumstance, we can only appeal to those with powerful voices like Suleiman to
refrain from incitement to violence, out of a shared sense of civic
responsibility. But that hardly absolves DSS’ glaring partisanship. Or this
tendency to flex big muscles only against those who already could be described
as the victims.

President Muhammadu Buhari….’Presiding over the Grass Cutting Experience’

At this writing, DSS was yet to explain if the cleric had
spurned any invitation for a “chat”. But everyone knows Suleiman’s address in Auchi, Edo State where the “inflammatory” statement was
reportedly made. Why this new obsession with waylaying targets at night?
Couldn’t the arrest wait till the morning? Couldn’t it, in fact, be deferred
till Suleiman returned to his Auchi
Again, how come we hardly see this
sort of “rapid response”, this razor-sharp efficiency, this
fanaticism for law and order on the part of DSS elsewhere when armed herders
are on their own rampage? Instead, the killer herdsmen thereafter get appeased
with cash payments to “forgive”
their victims”.
Big puzzle indeed.

Mr. Babachir Lawal aka Mr. Grass Cutter

Grass-cutter: From the dawn of time, this species of rabbit has
undoubtedly been the mouth-watering delight of bush-meat connoisseurs and
patrons of pepper-soup joints by the street-corner. It is the wild rat, a mammoth
rabbit, the jumbo-size of the regular domestic mouse house-keepers are familiar
with. Perhaps more in recognition of its pre-eminence in the rabbit family than
the ferocity of its canine on the grass, everyone got used to addressing this
creature exclusively as “grass-cutter”.
But not after a little scandal
exploded around the clearing of grass around some IDP camps in Borno and elsewhere in the North-east in
which no less a political heavyweight than the Secretary to the Federal
Government, the avuncular Lawal Babachir, is gravely implicated.
According to the findings of the Shehu Sani-led Committee on Mounting
Humanitarian Crisis in the North-East region, Babachir allegedly helped himself to a chunk of the money paid to
the firm in which he had a substantial stake before his current appointment
and, worse still, is accused of being the sole signatory to its bank account
until recently.
Suddenly, political adversaries and
other mischief-makers have begun to see grass-cutter in a different light. So, the
mere mention of grass-cutter anywhere in Aso
Rock or Abuja today is now interpreted as a coded reference to the award of
any murky contract.
Well, the good news is that Babachir, I am reliably informed, is
hardly fazed by such side-talk, much less the outrageously malicious
whisper of the uncharitable who go a step further by insisting they see some
semblance between his sparse mustache and the whisker of that hunter’s favorite
in the bush.

Chief of Army Staff , General Buratai….’He is surprised at the ‘Accidental Discharge’

Accidental bombing: Over the years, hapless Nigerians have learnt to reconcile
themselves to the reality of “accidental discharge”
whenever a policeman extrajudicially shoots anyone dead. The standard official
response is that “It’s a case of accidental discharge”, a
euphemism that the weapon mistakenly fired.
But when a whole fighter jet of the Nigerian Air Force chose to rain, not Manna, but bombs on a camp sheltering
citizens displaced by the Boko Haram
insurgency – like we witnessed at Rann in Borno State a fortnight ago, the language understandably changes to
reflect the magnitude, the gravity of the catastrophe.
Acting on what turned out a false
tip-off from an unnamed western power that absconding Boko Haram fighters had found a new sanctuary, the pilot supposedly
on routine aerial patrol sadly ended up hitting the IDP camps not once, not
twice, but – Lord – thrice!
Worse still, whereas officialdom
tried to downplay the casualty figures by admitting between 50 and 57,
independent sources including international relief bodies quoted figures in
excess of 200.
Now, it does seem whereas police’s “accidental discharge” refers
to killing of the innocent on retail basis, “accidental
describes killing of the defenseless and the traumatized on
industrial scale.
God save us!

Babili Mansa Yayah Jammeh…A Jammed Up Man?

Jammeh: If mortal fear had gripped many quarters – both high and
low – at the height of the recent political face-off in The Gambia, the reason was undoubtedly partly a reading of the name
of her now disgraced dictator. The word
surely conjures less-than-pleasant imageries. In street
parlance, “to jam” means “to hit” something. To “jam wahala” connotes serious
kerfuffle. Any motorist in urban centre will, for instance, attest “traffic jam” is no pleasant
So, when a power-drunk dictator
began to beat war-drums frantically and his name is derived from stressing “jam” to become “Jammeh”, the trepidation in
the hearts of ordinary mortals could then only be imagined.
But history teaches us that most
bullies and braggarts are in reality cowards seeking to hide their dark
inadequacies in some coarse facade. Yahya Jammeh turned out not to be
As they say, those who made a career
from beheading others will hardly continue to sit easy at the sight of a sword-wielding
stranger. Surrounded by ECOWAS’ far superior weapon of mass destruction, the
brutal Jammeh, who had ruled the tiny
West African country with an iron fist for 22 years, finally surrendered
last Saturday. But not until huge cost had been incurred by Nigeria and others
in mobilizing thousands of battle-ready troops and dozens of fighter jets to Gambia’s shores.
Dramatically, not a single bullet
was fired before the emperor finally fell.
So, the word “Jammeh” is now generally accepted as synonym for empty
boast or needless clowning. To play a Jammeh
is to squander the altar of glory and instead offer oneself for
international ignominy.
(Meanwhile, whereas there are
conflicting accounts on the actual number of luxury super cars taken and the
quantity of cash looted in his last two weeks in power, a lie has been put to
the claim that a cargo of $11m was physically hurled into the
private jet that ferried Jammeh from Banjul that Saturday night to
an uncertain fate. Out of rare magnanimity, Nigeria’s Asiwaju Bola Tinubu had allowed his jet to be used to finally break
the 48-hour stand-off.)

Pastor Enoch Adejare Adeboye…Sacked by Da Vinci (FRC) Code

FRC code: Movie aficionados will certainly recall the American epic
entitled “Da Vinci Code”. The 2006 thriller
explores ancient Christian mythology which the Roman Catholic establishment
found too outlandish, if not blasphemous outright.
In the circumstance, the more
controversial a work of art is, the higher its chances of commercial success.
Little wonder then that it netted a whopping $224 million worldwide in its first
weekend of premier and proceeded to gross a hefty $758 million by the turn of
Eleven years later, a milder variant
of  Da
Vinci Code
would seem to assail the Christian community in Nigeria and
bears a more cryptic acronym, the FRC Code.
In principle, the Federal Reporting Council code expressly
seeks to compel heads of not-for-profit bodies, including religious
organizations, to be more transparent in the rendition of their financial
But portions considered
“intrusive” and “offensive” by the leaders of the
Pentecostal sector of the Christian community include those that prescribe term
and age limits for their General Overseers. With the charismatic G.O of the
most populous RCCG, Pastor
Enoch Adeboye
, dramatically tendering his resignation, thereby
volunteering himself as the “martyr” of the protest against the FRC code, sectarian tempers naturally
flared up across the country.
Jim Obaze, the rambunctious executive secretary of FRC, was the next
casualty as he was booted out unceremoniously by President Buhari, with
the enforcement of the code suspended entirely.
Soon, a new twist entered the
narrative when the vocal Pastor Tunde Bakare, head of the Latter Rain Assembly and by no means an
influential voice in the Pentecostal community, weighed in forcefully in
defense of the FRC code,
sensationally squealing that those preaching against it were actually
money-launderers scared of the law and afraid of losing access to easy money.
Ever since, funereal silence has
descended on the entire FRC business.
The last time the issue popped up among some top players in the Pentecostal
district in Lagos, one account quoted a prominent Pastor as reducing every
thing to a joke by likening the FRC Code
to an attempt to tamper with his own “stomach infrastructure”.
It was needless seeking any
confirmation, to avoid further trouble.

President Donald Trump….’Mr. Alternative Facts’

Alternative facts: Anyone still doubting the power in a name should consider
the example of Sean Spicer, the chief
spokesman of the newly inaugurated President Donald Trump of the United States. Still wallowing in the
triumphalism that has defined the Trump camp generally since their shock
victory in the November 8 polls, Spicer
was all fire in his maiden press conference at the White House last Saturday.
However, what became news after that
outing was not his hauteur nor the fact that he chose not to answer questions
to his rather tempestuous briefing in what seemed a continuation of Trump’s
self-declared “running war” with the media. Fresh dust was raised by
his rather sensational claim that the crowd that witnessed his boss’
inauguration on January 20 was “the largest in history”.
But trust CNN not to take the line,
hook and sinker in the circumstance. The sheer ugliness of that fat lie was
soon exposed when the popular global TV channel flashed an over-view of the
audience at the epochal Washington event. With the many empty patches in the
broad canvass, it was crystal clear Trump and Spicer had, as usual,
sexed things up.
Trust CNN still, another of Trump’s
spin doctors, Ms. Kellyanne Conway, was soon cornered shortly afterwards on
the same issue. In a moment of costly verbal indiscretion (mental exhaustion?)
on a live programme, she cautioned the CNN corespondent not to
“over-dramatize” Spicer’s comment,
defending that her colleague was simply “giving the alternative
Like shark smelling blood, CNN
thereafter made a sing-song of “alternative fact” for the rest of the
day. Forty-eight hours later, it was an evidently subdued Spicer who showed up at another world
press conference with a new spin. Clearing his throat, he clarified that his
theory of “the biggest audience” actually referred to those
physically “present and watching across the world”.
Well, perhaps the joke is actually
on the rest of us. From the mere intimation of his name, it would completely be
out of character if Spicer did not “spice” things from the
Many thanks to Conway,
“alternative fact” should henceforth serve as further annotation to
“post truth” – a new word added to English lexicon in 2016. Roughly
put, post-truth refers to circumstances when the reality does not correlate
with the objective facts.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here