In one of
the modern day churches, the Pastor was not happy at the rate that the amount
of money collected as offerings during the Sunday services kept dwindling week
after week. For some week, no member of the church has dropped a N500:00 note
in the offering bag. It has been just N20:00 or N50:00 notes all the way, with
few N100:00 notes and occasionally N200:00 notes.
the modern day churches, the Pastor was not happy at the rate that the amount
of money collected as offerings during the Sunday services kept dwindling week
after week. For some week, no member of the church has dropped a N500:00 note
in the offering bag. It has been just N20:00 or N50:00 notes all the way, with
few N100:00 notes and occasionally N200:00 notes.
He decided
on a device to make the parishioners pay more to the church to prevent the
church from running into financial crisis. So, he came out with a quick one.
The following Sunday, he threw in the bombshell shortly before the Church
ushers started going round with the offering bags to collect the day’s offerings.
on a device to make the parishioners pay more to the church to prevent the
church from running into financial crisis. So, he came out with a quick one.
The following Sunday, he threw in the bombshell shortly before the Church
ushers started going round with the offering bags to collect the day’s offerings.
“Brethren, I
am not particularly happy to say this, but I will be failing in my divine call
and duties if I continue to keep quite. I am afraid I have to tell you that
there is a male member of this church who has been having an illicit sexual
relationship with another parishioner’s wife. You will agree with me that this
is a terrible sin and a serious violation of God’s commandments. I know the
person! However, I have the divine call to let you know that unless the man
puts a one thousand naira (N1000:00) note in the offering bag now, I will
reveal his identity”
am not particularly happy to say this, but I will be failing in my divine call
and duties if I continue to keep quite. I am afraid I have to tell you that
there is a male member of this church who has been having an illicit sexual
relationship with another parishioner’s wife. You will agree with me that this
is a terrible sin and a serious violation of God’s commandments. I know the
person! However, I have the divine call to let you know that unless the man
puts a one thousand naira (N1000:00) note in the offering bag now, I will
reveal his identity”
Later in the
vestry, it was discovered, when sorting and counting the day’s collections,
that 55 one-thousand naira (N1000:00) bills were received. A note was also
found that reads:
vestry, it was discovered, when sorting and counting the day’s collections,
that 55 one-thousand naira (N1000:00) bills were received. A note was also
found that reads:
“I am sorry,
I can only give you one five hundred naira (N500:00) note now. I will add the
remaining five hundred naira note during the evening service at 6pm today.
Please, forever hold your peace, Pastor”
I can only give you one five hundred naira (N500:00) note now. I will add the
remaining five hundred naira note during the evening service at 6pm today.
Please, forever hold your peace, Pastor”
(Culled from
the book, Read & Laugh: First 100
jokes of our time by Olaleye Falore)
the book, Read & Laugh: First 100
jokes of our time by Olaleye Falore)